Hi, my name is Mary Davidson and I have a tendency to control. And you all reply–Hi Mary!
This week I decided to begin a second online study with Melissa Taylor Online Bible Studies. This season–Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman (http://www.karenehman.com). It has been almost three months since I blogged last, just shortly after the completion of the Unglued study. And it should be no surprise to me that almost immediately after completing the Unglued study, a nightmare began in my life. A nightmare which on many occasions caused me to come unglued (but that’s for another blog). A nightmare over which I have had absolutely no control.
Just after his birthday (read his birthday blog here: https://marydavidson.wordpress.com/2012/10/29/happy-birthday-to-my-hubby/) my husband became very ill. We spent most of the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays in and out of the hospital. ICU. Doctor’s appointments. Treatments. Tests and more tests. All of which were completely out of my control. In the midst of this turmoil, I also learned that I was pregnant with our third child and had to face the possibility that I might be doing this alone. I wanted to solve all our problems. I wanted to fix my husband. But all I could do was sit back and trust that God was taking care of us. Easier said than done.
So, when I got the email that Let. It. Go. was the next study, I knew that Karen had written this book just for me. Just for this time.
But interestingly enough, as I listened to Karen’s words this week I doubted her. Me? Bossy? I’m not bossy. I’m just highly organized and a good leader. Right? And in my home, I’m not bossy to my husband. I’m submissive. Right? Do I think that I can do God’s job better? Of course not. Do I hold onto control? Well…not consciously. I would never consciously state that I am taking control of any situation from God. But, the time had come for me to be honest with myself.
More often than not, I think I know best. I have a high maintenance order for my heavenly barista, and I want him to get it right. Just like my Grande Non-Fat Coffee Frappucino with extra Java Chips and No Whip, I demand my Grande Guilt-Free Life with no Nightmares and no Hassles. But this life is not my job. And I am not the one in control. It’s time I let go and give God his job back!
Giving up control is not impossible, but it will be a little difficult at first (ok…maybe a LOT difficult). Just like crossing my arms a different way…this is going to take some getting used to. Especially when life circumstances make it so difficult to trust! But it’s only the beginning. Today, I am starting this journey. I am committing to stop running the show and start walking in faith! Here we go…
Super Woman Syndrome 
Oh girl, wow! I hope your husband is doing better. This must have been and be such a difficult time. But you are absolutely right. Gods got this girl, and you and your sweet family are right where you belong in the palm of His hand.
Amen. Thank you Stephanie for this encouragement. I find so much rest being in the palm of His hands.
Mary, thank you for sharing from your heart today. Many of us look at our lives and don’t consider ourselves controlling, but when we get down to it we are. We want to fix things or simply get them done our way. We think we know best, but like you said we need to give up that desire and solely rely on Christ. Wonderful blog!
Thank you you Jamy.
I am sorry to hear what your family has gone through; I do hope your hubby is better now. Congrats on #3!! Enjoy the study and thanks for sharing your story. Blessings! Judi
Thank you Judi.
Mary thank you for your post. How is the pregnancy going?I’m praying for you .
Kara,
Thank you for your prayers. Pregnancy is going well. I had a little scare right in the midst of my husbands hospitalization. We spent one day with him in ICU on the 5th floor and me in OBGYN with an emergency ultrasound on the 3rd floor. But, things are looking up! I’m 20 weeks now with a baby girl (our third!!!) and we are all healthy…well except for the flu and cold bug going around.
“I demand my Grande Guilt-Free Life with no Nightmares and no Hassles”. Oh boy that describes me perfectly. No hassles, when there are no hassles that is when I feel good and efficient and competent and in control of my life. How interesting is it that I’ve always connected being in control of any situation (on top of it you know? Everything running smoothly?) with having it all together. I pride myself when people tell me I’m so organized and that in turn makes me feel like I’m going things right.
Oh but look out if something out of my control changes MY plan for the day! Something like a sick child who needs to stay home from school, a school delay or bad roads that prevent me from going somewhere. Sadly my reactions to these daily hassles are not good. It launches a bad mood and inner not nice voice that affects the rest of my day.
I’m a control freak. Yes, I want things to go my way with no hassles.
I want to learn to Let It Go and trust God knows better than me. Karen hit the nail on the head for me on page 22 when she wrote “we intellectually believe he does what is best for the rest of the world in general, but practically we behave as if in our individual situations, we still know what’s best. “. If I’m completely honest – I’m also scared that Gods best for my life won’t line up with what I want it to-what I’ve got mapped out as my ideal life and future.
Connie ( trying hard to trust and let it go)
Connie,
I am so blessed to know we are in this struggle together. Amen. Amen. Thank you for your honesty about being scared about what God has in store for us. This is something I must be honest about too. What if things don’t go the way I think they should? Will I complain to the waiter to take my order back to the kitchen until they get it right? Yes, Connie, I am with you. Trying hard to trust and let it go.
Well said… I also had that hard time recrossing my arms & then was shocked at how uncomfortable it was.
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Praying for peace & strength in whatever the situation may be.
Thank you Rebecca for your prayers.
Mary- I am with you! It sounds like God is working in your life, and mine, just by bringing is to this place. His blessings abound and He has wonderful things in store for us if we are obedient. I view giving up control to Him as an act of obedience.
Amen! And obedience is required…not suggested. I have to remember that some days.
OK, Mary, first off I love your blog name! Terrific! Secondly, I really enjoyed your blog. I also don’t like admitting that I have trouble giving God control, but more often than not, if I’m honest, I “think” I am in control. Thank you for your honesty. Hope everything is better with your family.
Lynette,
Thanks for the compliment about the blog name. I’ve actually had this blog for quite some time so I thought it was awesome that this new study is all about letting go. Oh how true it is that I am NOT Superwoman.
Thanks for sharing your journey. I never really saw myself as a person who controls but really I think truthfully I like being in control because I can control some of the outcome. How very wrong is that. I have done “Unglued & Greater OBS ” and have seen God work in my life. Let it go is the next road on my journey. God has showed me I have to trust Him to be in control and not doubt that He is. I am living by faith now even though I’m not sure where that leads. Fearful at times and exciting too.
I enjoy reading other peoples blogs as I can see I am not alone in the journey that we all have doubts and fears and that is ok.
Continue to trust God and let Him work things out, for me this sometimes is easier said than done,but my journey may be imperfect but moving.
Blessings to you and your family
Hang in there Mary….I am sorry you are dealing with this. Please know….there is a reason you guys are going through this….God’s plan is soooo much bigger than we can fathom. Isaiah 41:10 is such a great reminder as we go through the storms of life. I will be praying for you guys and congratulations on your precious new baby!
Hi Mary! Thanks for sharing some of your life with us. I hope your husband is doing better. Congratulations on your third child. I’m looking forward to doing this study with all of you ladies.
Hi Mary,
Thank you so much for opening up and sharing with us. Sometimes, when life seems the most difficult and the most impossible is when letting go is the only option that seems feasible. And when we let go and hand it to God, He can help us through life’s turmoil.
I hope and pray that this study will help you to allow God to be there for you each and everyday, in daily tasks as well as life’s roller coasters. God bless!
-Erin Cuomo, OBS Group Leader
Thank you Erin. Yes, when in the midst of turmoil I realize I am completely powerless. Sometimes I wonder if God allows us to come to these points so we are left with only one option — to fall humbly before our God totally weak and submitting to his control.
I enjoyed your blog. I love all your insights. I will pray for you and your husband. God will restore your husbands health and provide a way for your children.
Thank you very much for your prayers.
I really enjoyed your blog. I hope things are getting better for you. I never thought I was a controller until I started reading this book and it has really opened my eyes. The Lord had been dealing with me for awhile about giving up some stuff. When I started this study I was in awe at how this book was written just for me. I will be praying for you and your family. May the Lord bless you.
Love your blog name 🙂 Congrats on #3 – girls as such fun which I’m sure you know with two others! Praying all is well with your husband and you guys are able to enjoy the pregnancy and new baby!
Loved your post! It was hard realizing just how in control I tend to be. I like things my way and when they don’t go my way, well, everyone suffers. I get aggravated with our oldest son because he does that very thing and yet I have been his example. I use to wonder why he acted like that – well, now I know!
Looking forward to the study and reading more from you on your journey to letting go 🙂
Mary,
Thank you SO MUCH for participating in the blog hop. Praying for all of us as we learn to stop trying to control and start trusting God. Have a great weekend and remember to LET. IT. GO. 🙂
{Hugs} Karen Ehman
Love it