Hi, my name is Mary Davidson and I have a tendency to control. And you all reply–Hi Mary!
This week I decided to begin a second online study with Melissa Taylor Online Bible Studies. This season–Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman (http://www.karenehman.com). It has been almost three months since I blogged last, just shortly after the completion of the Unglued study. And it should be no surprise to me that almost immediately after completing the Unglued study, a nightmare began in my life. A nightmare which on many occasions caused me to come unglued (but that’s for another blog). A nightmare over which I have had absolutely no control.
Just after his birthday (read his birthday blog here: https://marydavidson.wordpress.com/2012/10/29/happy-birthday-to-my-hubby/) my husband became very ill. We spent most of the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays in and out of the hospital. ICU. Doctor’s appointments. Treatments. Tests and more tests. All of which were completely out of my control. In the midst of this turmoil, I also learned that I was pregnant with our third child and had to face the possibility that I might be doing this alone. I wanted to solve all our problems. I wanted to fix my husband. But all I could do was sit back and trust that God was taking care of us. Easier said than done.
So, when I got the email that Let. It. Go. was the next study, I knew that Karen had written this book just for me. Just for this time.
But interestingly enough, as I listened to Karen’s words this week I doubted her. Me? Bossy? I’m not bossy. I’m just highly organized and a good leader. Right? And in my home, I’m not bossy to my husband. I’m submissive. Right? Do I think that I can do God’s job better? Of course not. Do I hold onto control? Well…not consciously. I would never consciously state that I am taking control of any situation from God. But, the time had come for me to be honest with myself.
More often than not, I think I know best. I have a high maintenance order for my heavenly barista, and I want him to get it right. Just like my Grande Non-Fat Coffee Frappucino with extra Java Chips and No Whip, I demand my Grande Guilt-Free Life with no Nightmares and no Hassles. But this life is not my job. And I am not the one in control. It’s time I let go and give God his job back!
Giving up control is not impossible, but it will be a little difficult at first (ok…maybe a LOT difficult). Just like crossing my arms a different way…this is going to take some getting used to. Especially when life circumstances make it so difficult to trust! But it’s only the beginning. Today, I am starting this journey. I am committing to stop running the show and start walking in faith! Here we go…