Back to the Grind…Kicking And Screaming All the Way!

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

Time for some total transparency. Really? On a public blog? Hey…I’ve already shared the details of a birthing story. Clearly I’m not too concerned about y’all knowing a few more intimate details about the struggles of my heart. So here goes…

I’m a working mom. Not by choice, but by circumstance. As life would have it right now, we find ourselves in a financial situation that requires I work full-time.

But here I am, after almost two months of maternity leave, preparing to go back to work tomorrow…

And all I can do is cry.

Now, this is where some might say, “Don’t get me wrong, I love my job.” But the truth of the matter is, I don’t love my job. My job is ok. My job is fun sometimes. My job is rewarding sometimes. My job pays the bills. But, I don’t LOVE my job.

I love my family. I love my home. I love waking up each morning to spend time in the Word without the rush and panic of trying to get ready for work. I love eating three meals a day with my children and watching them delight over simple treats that I have made. I love nursing Kaycee every three hours and staring deeply into her precious eyes. I love hanging out with my husband in the garage any time I want. And I love the freedom and time to engage with friends and women of God via the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study, times of prayer and fellowship, and via this blog.

But the time has come for me to go back to work, and all of this will change.

For the last many weeks I have been wrestling with hearing the voice of God and being obedient to his direction. And with the recent beginning of the #YestoGod study, I find myself facing this wrestling match even more. My greatest fear is that I will chose the wrong path and be living in disobedience to God.

Am I being obedient to God by going back to a job that he has provided?

Or am I being disobedient by not staying at home with my family?

I don’t have the answers to these questions. As much as I have tried to figure it out over the last many months, I don’t know the answers nor the direction I am to take. And so this morning, with a horrible ache in my heart, I surrender. As we find in Jeremiah 29:13, I commit to first and foremost, seeking the Lord with all of my heart.

The only way to know and trust God.. is to spend time with Him. When we invest in spending time alone with God, He will speak to us, and what we hear from Him in these quiet times will be echoed in other places. – Lysa TerKeurst, What Happens When Women Say Yes to God.

Father God, I want to see you. I want to know you. I want to hear your voice. And I want to live in complete surrender and obedience to you. You alone truly know the depths of my heart and my desires. You know the ache in my soul as I prepare to say goodbye to my children, my husband, and my home tomorrow morning. I know your promises are true, and when I seek you with all of my heart I will find you. As I seek you, reveal yourself to me, and bring clarity to the path of obedience. 

I Scream for Serenity

I wake up well rested at 5:30 am. The house is quite and everyone still sleeps. I, however, am bundled up in my warm robe and pajamas, sipping my morning coffee and reading my Bible while seated in my favorite rocking chair. I have just the perfect amount of time to read, journal, pray, blog, hand write a few thank you cards and letters, and catch up on some emails before the day really begins–I might even have time to sneak in a few minutes of Facebook and Pinterest, just to make sure I’m fully up to date with friends and family.At 6:30 the girls start to slowly awaken. We have a peaceful breakfast together, rubbing sleep out of our eyes and sharing about our dreams the night before. Daddy wakes around this time and makes his groggy way to the table with his own cup of coffee. Just a few minutes later, everyone has finished breakfast and heads to their respective rooms and bathrooms to get ready for the day. Within 30 minutes or so, we are all dressed and ready to go. By 7:15 we are out the door. I have the pleasure of taking the girls to school in the morning, allowing for us to have a fun and joyful few minutes of singing praises along with the car radio. Daddy heads to school for a few classes today, before putting in some hours at the church office.

Once the girls are settled at school, I run a few errands–grocery store, post office, Target (of course)–before heading back home. I return to my home office where I am preparing to meet three or four counseling clients for the day, and spend time writing my recent manuscript and update my daily blog.This is what I do. I’m a counselor and a writer. And I praise the Lord for these moments of peace, solitude, reflection, and ministry–whether in person with clients or by written word. And so goes my day…

Wait…what?!?!? I wish!!! If only this perfect day existed! Instead I oversleep, find little time with the Lord, and well, forget the opportunity for writing. My children won’t wake up in the morning, won’t finish their breakfast, and we are usually late getting out the door. With lunches surprisingly made and hair quickly pulled into pony tails for the day, we barely survive the mornings. And that’s just the beginning of the day! Our family’s current life circumstances dictate that I work a full time job–NOT as a counselor or writer–and thus my week is filled with 40 hours of unfulfilling labor, only to return home to multiple errands, piled high dishes and laundry, and homework waiting for me once the girls go to bed. Yes, I am also in grad school full time and balance three or four clients a week. And once the homework is done, I crawl exhausted into bed by midnight (if I’m lucky) and prepare my mind for another day of madness tomorrow.

Oh, and did I mention all the wonderful ways in which I respond to my children or my husband throughout the day when things go wrong? If need be, refer back to Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst and the study I completed last fall. Yes, still working on these raw emotions. But to the present…

I can’t do it. I just can’t do it.

My schedule screams. My circumstances are overwhelming. I find myself exhausted. And the hope for serenity seems ever so distant.

And so I have come to terms with the reality–I can’t do it. I just can’t do it.

Nike would be very displeased to read my admission of failure. And yet, there is something peacefully redeeming about the statement “I can’t do it.” It means I’m finally letting go! I can’t continue living with a crazy schedule that I allow to dictate my attitude with my husband, my children, and my friends. And I can’t keep trying to control my  screaming schedule and life circumstances in hopes that one day I will have that perfect day.

We try to squelch the screaming by being on top of things and in command. Because the schedule prods us to snap into action, into action we dive headlong. We grab the baton of control and keep things clipping along at breakneck speed, seldom slowing down. And all the while around us are living souls who, when they don’t get with our program, immediately get on our nerves. – Karen Ehman, Let. It. Go.

Exactly. This is exactly what happens. Thank you Karen for hitting the nail on the head. I am challenged to reconsider how I am spending my time–time that should be governed by the Lord, for my times are in his hands.

“But I trust in you, O Lord; I say ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hand.” Psalm 31:14-15a (ESV)

And while I know this is easier said than done, I must take action to make changes–being ever aware that it is the Spirit of the Lord truly making the changes in my life. I was blessed to review some of the practical steps and advice presented by Karen to help me more easily let go of my control and to live a life that allows for me to be more trusting of God’s control. Each point is quite helpful, and I could comment on all, but for the sake of time–because we all know now that I have NONE–I just wanted to list them (and for you readers who have not joined us for this Let. It. Go. Online Bible Study, I encourage you to pick up the book and explore this amazing journey). So here goes:

1. Stand back and ask, “Why?”
2. Dare to be different
3. Consider setting number limits
4. Make a list and check it twice
5. Realize how each family member’s activities affect the others’ schedules
6. Don’t take on more than you can pray for
7. Say yes because you feel called, not because you consider your self capable
8. Don’t attempt to set the world record for most consecutive years served

And as a final piece of advice–“The less you’re involved in, the less your schedule will scream, and the less you just might too.”

But what about those circumstances that are outside my control? As stated above, our lives dictate certain aspects, such as my having to work a 40-hour job. And then there are circumstances for which we have no contingency plan. What do we do when my husband becomes very ill? (Which just happened). Or what do we do when the car breaks down on the freeway? (Which ALSO just happened). Even if we change our schedules, freeing time to be with the Lord and in a more healthy relationship with our family, there will always be circumstances that we can’t change.

It is here I must recognize that the only aspect I can truly change about my circumstances is my outlook. I must remember that God is God and I am not. I can do what I can, but I also can’t do what I can’t. I must continue to let go.

Let’s face it. I can’t control my schedule. And I can’t control the unforeseen. And while I scream out to the Lord, he reminds me that all my work and all my attempts to fix life will only bring more chaos. Instead, my surrendering to him alone will bring the serenity.

So, next week we will explore a little more of what it means to let go and let God–giving up sole control of our soul control. Tune in next week…

Ooo! Shiny!: Evaluating My Tools, Toys, and Tangents

As perfectly stated by Melissa Taylor on her recent blog, “This world is full of shiny things begging for our attention.” (http://melissataylor.org/2013/02/07/a-blog-hopping-we-will-go/). And I, like so many, am guilty of being distracted and following the latest and greatest shiny thing that catches my eye. However, when we are distracted by our clamoring culture, we fail to hear God’s voice and and fail to release control to the Him. Yes…this is all about control. Letting go of control. And so the journey of Let. It. Go. continues…

In Let. It. Go., Chapter 2, by Karen Ehman (http://www.karenehman.com/books/), I was incredibly challenged by the question: “Is it a tool, a toy, or a tangent?” This provoked me to continue the self-evaluation that God had begun in my life just a few short months ago. A self-evaluation to re-prioritize, de-clutter, and re-focus everything in life. Now, I feel like I am in a much better and honest place to answer this question, although I still have a long road ahead.

As I consider today what clamors for my attention I am very aware the world today–facebook, twitter, pinterest, i-phones, computers…all of technology for that matter. I have thankfully been able to limit these distractions (for the most part) so they remain as just tools, but sometimes I feel myself getting sucked in. Those late nights when I should be sleeping or would benefit more from time in the Word, and yet a whole hour will pass by as I scroll through my facebook wall or pinterest boards. Scrolling and scrolling mindless. Trapped by the tangent. Yes, I too get sucked in and distracted by the shiny things posted by all of my “friends.”

Perhaps, however, the aspects of life that clamor most for my attention are my own selfish desires and pride, fueled by Satan’s attempts to divert me from the Lord’s path. And so instead of focusing my time and attention on the tools and activities that really matter, I follow the tangents of self-improvement, worldly success, and worldly beauty. I have determined to set boundaries–How much money will I spend on “improving” myself, when God has really given me all the tools I need in his Word? How much time will I spend exploring future career opportunities, education, and self-help resources when God has clearly given me a purpose here and now? How much time will I devote to my beauty when its ok to live a simple and healthy life? Do I really need to try every diet, every work out routine, every new fashion trend? Has Pinterest become my Bible? And so the evaluative questions go.

I’ve come to learn that if don’t make an effort to eliminate these tangents, they will ultimately begin to control me! And as a control-freak, that is NOT acceptable!

Let. It. Go. … The Beginning.

Hi, my name is Mary Davidson and I have a tendency to control. And you all reply–Hi Mary!

This week I decided to begin a second online study with Melissa Taylor Online Bible Studies. This season–Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman (http://www.karenehman.com). It has been almost three months since I blogged last, just shortly after the completion of the Unglued study. And it should be no surprise to me that almost immediately after completing the Unglued study, a nightmare began in my life. A nightmare which on many occasions caused me to come unglued (but that’s for another blog). A nightmare over which I have had absolutely no control.

Just after his birthday (read his birthday blog here: https://marydavidson.wordpress.com/2012/10/29/happy-birthday-to-my-hubby/) my husband became very ill. We spent most of the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays in and out of the hospital. ICU. Doctor’s appointments. Treatments. Tests and more tests. All of which were completely out of my control. In the midst of this turmoil, I also learned that I was pregnant with our third child and had to face the possibility that I might be doing this alone. I wanted to solve all our problems. I wanted to fix my husband. But all I could do was sit back and trust that God was taking care of us. Easier said than done.

So, when I got the email that Let. It. Go. was the next study, I knew that Karen had written this book just for me. Just for this time.

But interestingly enough, as I listened to Karen’s words this week I doubted her. Me? Bossy? I’m not bossy. I’m just highly organized and a good leader. Right? And in my home, I’m not bossy to my husband. I’m submissive. Right? Do I think that I can do God’s job better? Of course not. Do I hold onto control? Well…not consciously. I would never consciously state that I am taking control of any situation from God. But, the time had come for me to be honest with myself.

More often than not, I think I know best. I have a high maintenance order for my heavenly barista, and I want him to get it right. Just like my Grande Non-Fat Coffee Frappucino with extra Java Chips and No Whip, I demand my Grande Guilt-Free Life with no Nightmares and no Hassles. But this life is not my job. And I am not the one in control. It’s time I let go and give God his job back!

Giving up control is not impossible, but it will be a little difficult at first (ok…maybe a LOT difficult). Just like crossing my arms a different way…this is going to take some getting used to. Especially when life circumstances make it so difficult to trust! But it’s only the beginning. Today, I am starting this journey. I am committing to stop running the show and start walking in faith! Here we go…

Happy Birthday to My Hubby…

On the streets of Korea…

In following the tradition of Super Woman Syndrome, it is time for me to say another Happy Birthday to someone I love dearly…someone I love more than any person in this world…my hubby…Kristopher!

Kristopher Gilbert Davidson…born October 29, 1980…is truly the greatest blessing that I have ever received from the Lord. He is my rock, my wisdom, my guidance, my joy, my love! Yes, Kristopher, I love you!

I love you because you care for our family–emotionally, financially, spiritually…and by fixing EVERYTHING in our home…including your broke down truck!

I love you because you make me laugh and are willing to be silly…even in public.

I love you because you aren’t afraid to stand up for what is right and what you believe in, teaching our children every day the difference between right and wrong.

I love you because you value more than anything the studying of God’s Word and the importance of teaching others, including our children, the treasure that it is.

I love you because you are firm and decisive, yet gentle, understanding, and always ready to listen.

I love you because you are creative–technically, electronically, in playing with our girls, while cooking in the kitchen, and while dreaming of what’s to come.

I love you because you don’t give up. You have taken on perhaps the most difficult of tasks by going back to school, and you have never given up–even in the midst of Greek!

I love you because you help our whole family remember what is most important in life–our growth in the Lord.

I love you because you help me to be a better wife, mother, and more importantly, a better woman in the Lord.

Kristopher, I love you. Happy Birthday!

One of those weeks…

You know those weeks where you can’t seem to catch your breath? Rushing around with errands, tasks around the home, work, school, children, husband…and the list continues. Yes, it has been one of those weeks. Even with the holiday on Monday, I find myself in the midst of too many tasks, and inevitably, the first area in my life to suffer is my writing. I’m still learning how to balance and make time so that my passions can be a priority. But this is one of those weeks where I’m not doing too well. Its a back-to-school-still-unpacking-piles-growing type of week, and well, I’m just trying to hold on for dear life. More to come later… this week is calling.

I Mowed the Lawn…

Yes, you read right. Today, I mowed the lawn. And I must say it was quite an awesome feat. Now granted, there were a few rough patches and I still need to rake up the clippings into the greenery bin, but I mowed the lawn nonetheless. Kristopher has been a little under the weather and the doctor instructed him to take it easy, no heavy lifting, and light activity. So, today, while the two of us worked in the garage and in the yard, I volunteered to the mow the lawn. He was surprised. So was I.

I couldn’t resist a quick photo with my trusty lawn mower and my finished lawn.

As I was mowing the lawn, which took quite a while, I spent some time thinking about the various tasks that Kris does versus the various tasks that I do, whether around the house, with the girls, in ministry. And in those moments I began to thank the Lord that I learned how to mow the lawn. Kris had shown me where to mow, where to point the mulch as it came flying out of the lawn mower, what lawn areas to avoid, and how to fill the lawn mower with gasoline if I should run out. He showed me how to do it and I did it. Why was I so thankful for this?

Someday, Kris will no longer be with me. My dear husband will go to be with the Lord and I will be left alone. It might be tomorrow or it might be 30 years from now. The fact of the matter is, someday I will be a widow. In the past many months I have watched my mother, a recent widow, struggle through the various tasks that “Daddy used to do.” I remember vividly standing in line with her at Costco when they told her the membership was expired. She was so frustrated and remarked to me, “Daddy used to take care of this.” It broke my heart. I’ll never forget that moment.

What will happen to me as a wife when my husband dies? For those of you who know my husband, he is an incredibly gifted man who is able to care for our family and our home in ways no other can. But I can try. I can try to learn from him all the amazing tools, tasks, and fix-it-tricks. And I believe, this is what every wife should be doing. Yes, there will always be things that only one of us can do–hence the beauty of marriage as we compliment one another. But, there are also things that we can learn from one another, preparing–not morbidly, but wisely–for that awful day when we are alone. For in that day, the grief will be overwhelming and the thought of tackling even the simplest of tasks will be daunting.

Wives, consider the following tasks that your  husband might currently take care of. Do you know how to do it?

• Mow the lawn
• Water the garden
• Take out the trash
• Change a light bulb
• Fix the toilet
• Change the oil in the car
• Fix a flat tire
• Pay the bills (do you know all the online passwords?)

Sometimes I am resistant as my husband tries to teach me things. I am prideful and believe that I am an independent woman who needs not a man to teach her. It is foolishness. Today, I making a commitment to no longer resist. The Lord has blessed me with a wise and strong husband who has been faithful to lead this home. But someday, I too will need to lead. And like the women of Little House on the Prairie, forced to harvest the grain while the husbands are in counties afar looking for other sources of income, I too will need to rise to the task and care for my family.

Today, I learned to mow the lawn.

But, what if I should pass before my husband? Only the Lord knows our final hour. What if Kristopher is left alone? Well, in that case, it is probably best that I teach him how to make my famous garlic and cheese mashed potatoes!

That’s Someone Else’s Life…

“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.” Exodus 20:17

Yesterday, while chatting with a friend, I became anxious about the need to enroll our girls for swim lessons, ballet lessons, and gymnastics. The season for swim lessons is coming to a close and so I recognized this would be a task for next summer. But ballet and gymnastics? A definite must. I contacted a few ballet studios during a work break and googled some gymnastics gyms. I was determined to get my girls active and enrolled for the fall term, and of course with the Olympics about to begin, I can’t help but think of raising an olympic gymnast, gold medal-winner, Dani Davidson! (Thanks to a vision from my brother, Daniel Pryfogle).

Yesterday evening, while sitting down to remind my husband about how important it was for the girls to do ballet and gymnastics, I was instead faced with a critical wake up call. Yes, ballet, gymnastics and swimming are incredibly valuable for children. But in reality, this is not our family. We do not have the time or resources to enroll our children in every extracurricular activity (not to mention the fact that they are currently only 2 and 3 years old. Slow down, Mommy!).

With this reality check, I was disappointed. I have for many years envisioned a perfect and organized home, with a Mommy’s calendar, filled with practices and classes for each child. I wanted to be a home with routines and schedules–Bible Study every Wednesday, Family Game Night every Friday, trips to the library every Saturday morning, Ballet & Gymnastics on Tuesdays and Thursdays…and so it goes. Filling up the schedule with what the world says is a healthy normal family.

I have longed for the family life of another, never fully realizing the value of our own family and our home–perhaps a struggle that many others experience as well. The addictive nature of Pinterest leads us to covet thy neighbors recipe, thy neighbors home decor, and thy neighbors DIY Crafts. Perfect cooking. Perfectly organized homes. Perfect crafts, gift ideas, and projects for children. Not to mention blog after blog from soccer mom’s, swim teams, and dance studios proclaiming the value of activities.

But we are not that family. We do not have a perfectly decorated and organized home. I do not sow, or knit, or crochet, or paint. I am not a gourmet cook and I do not have time to craft my children’s school lunches into the shape of Dora the Explorer or Elmo. Our children are not star athletes or diva ballerinas. And I do not have a perfectly organized Mom calendar.

And it’s ok. We are not that family. We are a family who studies theology, family therapy, psychology, law, and graphic design. We are a family who reads good books, colors and scrapbooks, and attempts to garden. We are a family who serves in ministry and visits with friends and family. We are a family who goes for walks,  swims at the lake, plays in the backyard, builds forts in the bedroom, and has Veggie Tales Dance parties in the living room. Our children may not get athletic scholarships to college or a dance scholarships to Juliard, but they will have a passion for studying God’s word, for learning, for exploring, for creating, for writing, and for loving and serving others. And really, what more could I ask for.

And so, this is another step in letting go. Letting go of the coveting nature, overwhelmed with the desire to have someone else’s life, and rather embracing the beautiful life that God has given our precious family. Thank you Lord Jesus for the abundant life that you bless us with each day. May you be glorified this day as I find joy in you and praise you for my family!

Dani & Daddy reading together — “Scholar-Pastor, Pastor-Scholar” by John Piper and D.A. Carson

Sadie Rose, Dani, and Mommy go for a late afternoon walk.

 

The Best of My Days…

In April of this last year, as a gift to all the secretaries and administrative assistants, one of the young women in the Office of Campus Life made a beautiful blessing for each of us–a 2012 Best of My Days Notepad. Developed by Ashley Ann Photography and featured on her blog, Under the Sycamore, this wonderful notepad allows you to record the blessings of each day.

My favorite moments at work are the times now when I get to sit down and record the blessing of each day. On July 1 I was blessed by an extended visit with dear friends, Jeremy and Candace. On July 2 I was incredibly blessed by my husband’s ability to fix our car with a mere sledge hammer (that’s another post altogether) and the to celebrate with tacos at our favorite fish taco dive.

Later into the month, I was blessed by the words of encouragement and prayers that came pouring in for my mother. On July 14 I was blessed by the uniting of my dear sister and brother, Brett & Melissa, in marriage (and my hubby performing his first wedding). And the blessings continue. Some days I am quick to write down an obvious blessing and to record it promptly as though picking up a stone and placing it in my satchel for later reflection. Other days I forget to write anything down, and at the end of the week I have an added blessing of sitting, reflecting over the week, and writing down 4 or 5 blessings for each day missed.

Growing up, we used to sing a song “Count Your Blessings,”

Count Your blessings, Name them one by one

Count your blessings, See what God has done

Count your blessings, Name them one by one

Count your many blessings, See what God has done!

These beautiful words were just that. Beautiful words. Until recent years I did not have a full grasp of what it meant to delight in the blessings of the Lord. There will always be trials, worries, areas in life to mourn or to complain about. But more importantly than the struggles which do shape us, are the blessings that remind us of an ever-loving and ever-sovereign Lord of All. All around us we can see what God is doing.

Some might say that its merely finding the good in things, the silver lining in the dark cloud, or just viewing life as a cup half full rather than half empty. Like little orphan Annie speaking to the homeless in Hooverville, reminding them that when they sleep with newspapers they have the joy of reading in bed. However, I am convinced that experiencing joy and recognizing blessings from the Lord is more than just forcing ourselves to be positive in the dark days. Rather, we lean on the Lord in all things, asking for the Spirit of the Lord to transform our lives so that we can live daily in the blessings and not the burdens.

My dear friend Anissa Burnley has forever engrained in my mind “Choose Joy.” I have struggled for years in my own power to be a joyful person and have failed miserably. For, I cannot find joy apart from the Lord. He is the author of my days. He is the author of true joy. And so, before I can choose joy, I must choose the Lord. Only then will I be able to daily live in his blessings. To truly experience the best of my days.

(To experience the blessings of the Best of My Days Notebook, visit Under the Sycamore: http://ashleyannphotography.com/blog/2011/11/16/2012-best-of-my-days-notepad-free-download/)

The A-B-Cs of letting go…

The lull before the storm. The quiet cup of coffee before the hustle and bustle. Today’s is Nicole’s baby shower. I’ve been able to accomplish a great deal in the last few evenings, and now, this morning only a few more tasks remain on the to do list. Stephanie and Time will arrive in about two hours to begin the decorations and finish the food. I’m both looking forward to and dreading their arrival at the same time. Why?

I’m looking forward to their arrival for two reasons. First, Stephanie is my best friend and I love her dearly. I am excited for her to be her because I love spending time with her. I am also looking forward to her being here soon because I really need help to get this house in order. But, I’m also dreading their arrival. What if my house is not clean when they get here? What if I haven’t finished all the tasks that I was supposed to complete on my own? What if I’m running late and I look a mess? What if the girls are misbehaving?

These are often the questions and worries that plague my mind when we have guests over. I love having guests, don’t get me wrong. I love being hospitable, cooking for others, and offering a nice cup of coffee. However, I can’t help but let my insecurities surface during these preparatory times. These are the A-B-C moments we talk about in marriage and family therapy. I have some sort of irrational thought about a guests arrival–they won’t like my house and that means they won’t like me…or something ridiculous like that. Maybe even–they will see that I didn’t finish everything before their arrival and they will figure out that I’m lazy and unorganized. These irrational thoughts lead to the excessive worry which fules me to move more rapidly, be short with my children and husband, and ultimately be totally exhausted after they depart for the evening (or weekend for our out of towers).

So…what do I need to do? I need to let go. I mean, isn’t that what this life is all about. Letting go. I need to do my best to care for my home, relying on the strength from the Lord and the assistance of my husband and children. If everything get’s done, great! If not, it is not the end of the world. Again, I must continue to remind myself that no one has a perfect home. Even in the midst of dirty clothes, dusty shelves, dirty dishes, and un-frosted cupcakes, we are a home with love for the Lord and love for one another. Sadly, there are many other homes with perfectly clean clothes, dishes, and shelves; with perfectly frosted and decorated cupcakes, and yet no love. These are the rational thoughts that I must allow to sink into my mind during these times of quiet before the storm.

Lord God, help me to let go of my irrational thinking and to embrace a mind that is surrendered to you. GIve me the strength to let go of fear and worries, casting all my cares upon you. Lord, I know that you care for me, that you love me, and that you, my Creator, have made me exactly the way I am and for a purpose. Help me to embrace you as my King, and me as a child of the King. Even if someone hates my home, or thinks I’m lazy, help me to remember that it does not matter. For always, it is more important that they see your love in me rather than a tidy and pinterest-ly decorated home.

And on this day Lord, a day of celebration with dear friends, help me to let go of superficial worries–spilled juice, crumbs on the floor, messy frosted cupcakes, papers out of place on my desk–and help me to embrace and love my dear friends. Yes, my friends. People who love me regardless of the state of my home. Amen. Amen. Amen.